Pain, Pleasure, Grief, Don't Care.

This is not an anthem of apathy. I'm at the point where I welcome change, because whatever it is that is going on right now is boring. Obviously I would prefer pleasure, but pain and grief are welcome. The goal is change. Everyday is the same thing. I want to wake up for once and look forward to what unexpected event will be thrown my way. Right now, its too predictable. School, home, gym, study, spend an hour making food, sleep. Everyday, like the rise of the sun. I'm tired of normality, tired of banality. At least when I was depressed, I had a goal. Now I'm just chasing a dream, but a dream needs reminders, like that this is the path I'm supposed to be on, some reassurance. I feel like all the time I spend is wasted, I'm not growing. More static that a dead fly, more irritated than a toothache, less direction than a circle. I need addition, whatever it be, it's more welcome than a hot meal. Those ideas in my head now given more attention, more so than the other night when all I did was sit at home. Regret it not, live it.